Found this article from another blogger at:
http://wandering-reflections.blogspot.com
THIRTEEN RULES FOR DEALING WITH SOCIOPATHS IN EVERYDAY LIFE......
Well, this is only a guide... is much better to read the book from which these rules came from, "The Sociopath Next Door" by Martha Stout.
1) The first rule involves the bitter pill of accepting that some people literally have no conscience.
2) In a contest between your instincts and what is implied by the role a person has taken on, go with your instincts.
3) When considering a new relationship, practice the Rule of 3s regarding the claims and promises a person makes, and the responsibilities he or she has.
4) Question authority.
5) Suspect flattery.
6) If necessary redefine your concept of respect. [based on fear?]
7) Do not join the game.
8) The best way to protect yourself is to avoid him, to refuse any kind of contact or communication.
9) Question your tendency to pity too easily.
10) Do not try to redeem the unredeemable.
11) Never agree, out of pity or any other reason, to help a sociopath conceal his or her true character.
12) Defend your psyche.
13) Living well is the best revenge.
And, I absolutely agree that #13....living well is the best revenge IS THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR FAMILY.
~ The Mediator
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
A FAREWELL TO MY DOG, HONEY
It has been a month now, and I cannot stop thinking about Honey. She was my wonderful companion and best pooch ever for 10 years.
Honey was a golden colored cocker spaniel that I rescued from a dog catcher on a cold February night. She was about 8 months old. I already had two other dogs, a Samoyed named Maxine and an all-american pooch named Baby. Honey was a wonderful addition to our family and home. Although, with three dogs, the workload could be extremely annoying, as I had to vacuum the house daily. And, during Spring and Fall, when the dogs were shedding, there were moments when I absolutely hated 'dog hair'. But never, did I hate the dogs.
In the winter, our families best friend was masking tape. Couldn't leave the house without a strip of that masking tape tapping on your coat, your sweater, your pants or sometimes the couch, chairs, side of the quilt on the bed, etc, etc, etc. But, even with all the added work for me, I never felt more loved than when I came home from errands, or being out and about for an entire day, and the three dogs would come running up to me, tails wagging, barking and running circles around me. It was pure l-o-v-e......magical, actually.
About 7 years after Honey joined the family, our first pooch, Baby, was put down. She had become very ill and it was time. I was with her (I went alone as my husband did not have the courage to be there with me) till the end. We brought her home and burried her in the back yard. The house seemed quite strange and empty without her.
Two and a half years later, Maxine was put down. Again, I was with her and my heart broke into a thousand pieces. Unlike Baby, who knew her time had come and didn't struggle....Maxine did struggle and it was extremely traumatic for her and for me. Now there was just Honey left to keep me company. And she did, for another two years. Then, I had to move. I had lived in my home for 15 years. And never once, in all my life, (and I had two other dogs before Baby, Maxine and Honey) had I ever been put in a position where I had to give up a pet. But, due to circumstances, now I did have to find a home for Honey.
During the process of selling my home, my Realtor's associate had to come to the house to show it to a client because my Realtor had to have some surgery. Deb (the assicoate) fell in love with Honey and commented to my Realtor that someday she would want a dog just like her. When my Realtor told Deb that I was looking for a home for Honey, Deb contacted me and we began what turned out to be a rather long and drawn out transition for Honey.
First, I took Honey to Deb's house for a long weekend to see how they both would react to each other. Deb was totally happy having Honey around for the three days. I was totally misearable. Honey was a bit confused.
Next, about a month later, we tried a longer boarding at Deb's. And again, both Deb and Honey got along fabulously. Emotionally I was devastated. Having had Honey for 10 years, it was like giving my child to another woman. I was jealous, scared, fearful, actually sick to my stomach. Moving day was now only a month away. Final preparations were being made by Deb and myself for Honey's permanent move.
The day of 'transition' for Honey was one of my saddest days. I woke early, took her for a long walk around the neighborhood. We walked through the woods, I made her waffles (her favorite people food) and packed her belongings. Later that day, we drove to Deb's and since Deb and I both lived on 'dead-end' streets, when I got there, Deb, Honey and I went for a walk along her road. As we finished our walk & approached Deb's home, I handed her the leash and bent down and hugged Honey, gave her a kiss and walked to my car.
Honey, of course, yipped and pulled on the leash, wanting to come with me. I never looked back, but drove home crying the whole way. The next day, we moved all our belongings out of the home we had lived in for 15 years and started a new journey.
Deb and I communicated via email weekly. She informed me of Honey's adjustments, the fun they were having together, and how much happiness she had brought into Deb's life. I was so glad that Honey was doing well. But I was going through terrible withdrawal symptoms of not having a pet to love, to greet me unconditionally when I came home. So time went by...........
After about 9 months, I contacted Deb via email. We had become friends. But, all along those nine months, even though she said I could come visit Honey anytime, I declined, as I did not want to confuse Honey and also seeing her would make me sad(er). Anyway, since so much time had passed, I told Deb, as Christmas was coming, and she wanted to go visit family who lived far away, that if she thought it would be ok, I could come over and take care of Honey while she visited family. Deb agreed ! ! !
Visiting Honey and caring for her for three days was wonderful. My children even got to see her. Honey took a little time warming up to us, but after some time, she was wagging her tail and climbing in our laps, licking our faces.
I also got to babysit Honey on one other occasion. Just an overnight, but at that time, I noticed she was thinner, walked with a limp and took a long time to get up out of her bed. I spoke w/Deb and she told me that she was steadily loosing weight, had a chronic uti and that she was sure that there was not much time left.
Two weeks later, Honey was put down. Deb called to let me know. We both cried and a couple weeks later, when the emotions weren't so raw, we went to dinner together to talk about Honey and how much happiness she brought into both our lives.
Well, I just wanted to put down on paper (so to speak) how much I loved my pets and how much I miss them, all of them - Buddy, Tippy, Baby, Maxine, Honey. Never have there been such wonderful companions.
I guess I'm feeling rather sad and wanting for the love of an animal companion. But that will have to wait.
~ The Mediator
Honey was a golden colored cocker spaniel that I rescued from a dog catcher on a cold February night. She was about 8 months old. I already had two other dogs, a Samoyed named Maxine and an all-american pooch named Baby. Honey was a wonderful addition to our family and home. Although, with three dogs, the workload could be extremely annoying, as I had to vacuum the house daily. And, during Spring and Fall, when the dogs were shedding, there were moments when I absolutely hated 'dog hair'. But never, did I hate the dogs.
In the winter, our families best friend was masking tape. Couldn't leave the house without a strip of that masking tape tapping on your coat, your sweater, your pants or sometimes the couch, chairs, side of the quilt on the bed, etc, etc, etc. But, even with all the added work for me, I never felt more loved than when I came home from errands, or being out and about for an entire day, and the three dogs would come running up to me, tails wagging, barking and running circles around me. It was pure l-o-v-e......magical, actually.
About 7 years after Honey joined the family, our first pooch, Baby, was put down. She had become very ill and it was time. I was with her (I went alone as my husband did not have the courage to be there with me) till the end. We brought her home and burried her in the back yard. The house seemed quite strange and empty without her.
Two and a half years later, Maxine was put down. Again, I was with her and my heart broke into a thousand pieces. Unlike Baby, who knew her time had come and didn't struggle....Maxine did struggle and it was extremely traumatic for her and for me. Now there was just Honey left to keep me company. And she did, for another two years. Then, I had to move. I had lived in my home for 15 years. And never once, in all my life, (and I had two other dogs before Baby, Maxine and Honey) had I ever been put in a position where I had to give up a pet. But, due to circumstances, now I did have to find a home for Honey.
During the process of selling my home, my Realtor's associate had to come to the house to show it to a client because my Realtor had to have some surgery. Deb (the assicoate) fell in love with Honey and commented to my Realtor that someday she would want a dog just like her. When my Realtor told Deb that I was looking for a home for Honey, Deb contacted me and we began what turned out to be a rather long and drawn out transition for Honey.
First, I took Honey to Deb's house for a long weekend to see how they both would react to each other. Deb was totally happy having Honey around for the three days. I was totally misearable. Honey was a bit confused.
Next, about a month later, we tried a longer boarding at Deb's. And again, both Deb and Honey got along fabulously. Emotionally I was devastated. Having had Honey for 10 years, it was like giving my child to another woman. I was jealous, scared, fearful, actually sick to my stomach. Moving day was now only a month away. Final preparations were being made by Deb and myself for Honey's permanent move.
The day of 'transition' for Honey was one of my saddest days. I woke early, took her for a long walk around the neighborhood. We walked through the woods, I made her waffles (her favorite people food) and packed her belongings. Later that day, we drove to Deb's and since Deb and I both lived on 'dead-end' streets, when I got there, Deb, Honey and I went for a walk along her road. As we finished our walk & approached Deb's home, I handed her the leash and bent down and hugged Honey, gave her a kiss and walked to my car.
Honey, of course, yipped and pulled on the leash, wanting to come with me. I never looked back, but drove home crying the whole way. The next day, we moved all our belongings out of the home we had lived in for 15 years and started a new journey.
Deb and I communicated via email weekly. She informed me of Honey's adjustments, the fun they were having together, and how much happiness she had brought into Deb's life. I was so glad that Honey was doing well. But I was going through terrible withdrawal symptoms of not having a pet to love, to greet me unconditionally when I came home. So time went by...........
After about 9 months, I contacted Deb via email. We had become friends. But, all along those nine months, even though she said I could come visit Honey anytime, I declined, as I did not want to confuse Honey and also seeing her would make me sad(er). Anyway, since so much time had passed, I told Deb, as Christmas was coming, and she wanted to go visit family who lived far away, that if she thought it would be ok, I could come over and take care of Honey while she visited family. Deb agreed ! ! !
Visiting Honey and caring for her for three days was wonderful. My children even got to see her. Honey took a little time warming up to us, but after some time, she was wagging her tail and climbing in our laps, licking our faces.
I also got to babysit Honey on one other occasion. Just an overnight, but at that time, I noticed she was thinner, walked with a limp and took a long time to get up out of her bed. I spoke w/Deb and she told me that she was steadily loosing weight, had a chronic uti and that she was sure that there was not much time left.
Two weeks later, Honey was put down. Deb called to let me know. We both cried and a couple weeks later, when the emotions weren't so raw, we went to dinner together to talk about Honey and how much happiness she brought into both our lives.
Well, I just wanted to put down on paper (so to speak) how much I loved my pets and how much I miss them, all of them - Buddy, Tippy, Baby, Maxine, Honey. Never have there been such wonderful companions.
I guess I'm feeling rather sad and wanting for the love of an animal companion. But that will have to wait.
~ The Mediator
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