Today, the local temperature is going to reach into the 90's, but with the so-called 'heat index' will feel more like it is in the 100's. This has been going on for sometime now, insufferable heat and humidity.
It is 8:30 AM eastern time. Even the birds aren't singing this morning. Very strange not to hear the early risers chattering about. I'm hot, hot, hot (whew !). Got a few fans blowing the air around. And, I do have air conditioning, but really dislike the artificial cold climate they produce. I guess I am becoming 'my mother', in that I am quite stubborn about certain things in my life ! ! !
Actually, I thought I was over with my womanly advertures of 'hotflashes'. But lately, I can't tell whether it is heat affecting my body from outside of it OR heat radiating from inside the body OR heat coming from somewhere in the ethers warning me of impending doom and dread. Maybe it's all three. Maybe it's something I need to ponder further, to discern what is real in my personal environment or what is just an illusion of time and space.
To say that I've been away from my little blog for some time now is an understatement. It's been about two months. During that time, my mother has been hospitalized. She broke her hip, something I thought only happened to old timers. But, at 81, I guess she is now a grande dame. Funny, but the day she fell and broke her hip, I had been visiting her earlier and told her she needed a walker to steady herself and I was going to look into getting her one. Weird as it was, my exact words to her were: "You don't want to fall down and break your hip and his your head." About four hours later, she did just that, fell and broke her hip AND hit her head. Falling and hitting her head was something she had done twice previously in her life. When she fell, they were unable to operate the next day as she developed pneumonia and surgery was put off for a week, while she lay in bed drugged and miserable. Now recovery is a V E R Y long process. Doctor said for every day in bed, it is a month recovery.
Back to the heat......and it's not just the weather I'm refererring to. But the climate of opressive worry/fear that I see all around me. For sometime I was able to just observe what has been going on in government, in the media, in the world and felt detached, as if it would NEVER, NEVER affect me and my family.
Much to my horror, that detached feeling has slipped away. For the last couple of weeks, I have felt an internal heat, a heaviness about my physical being, a sense of someone or something just behind me waiting to push me off a cliff. It's quite creepy and has become a bit depressing. It's a bit like watching a movie where there is alot of tension and mayhem. You know when the movie is done, you can relax, breathe again, and the fear the movie created within you will subside in a short-time. THIS FEELING I HAVE WILL NOT GO AWAY, or maybe I should say, has not gone away. I'm still hoping it will leave me.
So what have I been doing to change this 'thing' in my life, this feeling of depression, of doom 'n gloom. You'll laugh out loud if I tell you. OK, here goes.........I've been buying instant soups. Going to the grocery store and buying dried soup mixes and coming home and storing them for use. Don't know why I have this urge TO DO this, but I do, and I am.
Maybe it's from reading all this Alternative News on the web. Maybe it's from watching the news on TV. Maybe it's from reading too many blogs! ! Maybe it's from an internal warning signal ... like the one that blasts out of your radio or tv when they test the "Early Warning Signal". Maybe it's because there has been four years of drastic and dramatic changes in our politico environments worldwide. Maybe because I've just woken up, realized I'm in OZ, and it's not a wonderful place to be. Or, maybe, just maybe I'm tired. Who knows. But I have lots of soup in case of company ! ! !
~ The Mediator
Monday, July 18, 2005
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