In a previous post on "Finding Grandfather Tree", I left off where the old oak tree gave me a picture of a supposed life-past. A story so true to that present-day experience, that it literally gave me a much clearer picture of my life .... as-it-was. And, this is the story I was given by Grandfather Tree, my friend.
Even as I ran home, trying to capture the entire story that had unfolded in my brain in a matter of seconds, I was loosing the complete and exact picture of the life that was shown to me. To this day, I cannot account why this happened or how it happened. It has never happened since. I ran as quick as I could down the hill, dodging briars and some mushy, squishy underground streams of water that snaked through the field below. As I arrived home, I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and began writing this 'gift' of a story given to me.
I was an Indian Maiden, a Medicine Woman who was out gathering herbs for my medicine
pouch. This was something that I did daily and I had come to rest below a great Oak Tree
to observe the 'farmer' and his family. They were settlers, and the farmer had a wife who
was pregnant and a young child.
Apparently I enjoyed sitting and watching the activities of this family. It was a different
way of life than I had known and I was mostly curious about the people who lived
below my wonderful Oak Tree, and their behaviors.
One day, I noticed that the pregnant woman did not come out of her house and that the
farmer was obviously distraught (I don't know how I knew this, but I did). Wanting to
be of help (and deep down I knew that I should not interfere, I knew that the Tribe
would, if they found out, find fault with my actions and there would be consequences),
I left my Oak Tree and walked down through the briars and field to the farm below.
Upon meeting the farmer and hearing his story about his wife and that she was very
ill, I offered to help with my medicines. But the pregnant wife died and I apparently
felt very sorry for the farmer.
Daily I would return to the farmer and over time, fell in love and became pregnant.
When the Tribe discovered my 'situation', ((and this part I'm not exactly sure that I
remember it correctly)) attacked the farmer and killed him and his young child.
As for me, I was banished from the Tribe, in that I was given a lodge/tepee aside from
all of my tribe people. They forbade anyone to speak to me, but just bring me food
and water and wood for heat. When my child was born, there apparently was a
defect that was noticeable. The elders took the child and left him outside exposed to
the elements and animals. The baby died. I was distraught. Then I made the
decision not to live. So, I stopped eating and eventually passed on.
Now how did this life correlate to my present life situation. Well, the Tribe turns out to be my in-laws, who lived up the street.......remember I lived on a street, a dead-end street, with only three homes on it, mine, my husband's parents and his two brothers, and my sister-in-law's home and her family. And remember, no one in this family liked me (their dislike for me was never a spoken thing), and this in-law family of mine didn't speak to me - except for the occasional 'hi'. When my husband and my children and I moved onto this street, I was terrified that I would die (had no rational reason except that I did know they disliked me, and I was also worried that his family would take my children from me --- literally I did fear that ! !). I could not eat (everything gave me terrible indigestion and made my heart race) and, being 5'9" my weight dropped to 116 lbs. I really looked like 'death warmed over'. Plus, my youngest child, my son was born with a disability. My husband was literally incapable of confronting his family about the terrible situation they were putting me/my family through by their hurtful actions. Never, did anything change. NEVER.
I remember the first summer we lived on this dead-end street. My husband, daughter and I were going to go to the ocean for a few days vacation. I was going to leave my then 4 year old disabled son with my in-laws while we were away. I was actually looking forward to having a break from him (my son) as he took up all my time (24/7).
That night, while we were dining at a great seafood restaurant in Maine, out of the blue I became terrified. I had a panic attack during the meal and had to walk out of the restaurant. That night, my terror was so magnified that I told my family we had to go home, that if I stayed where we were I would die. So, we left Maine and went home, with me sitting in the back seat of the car crying. Funny too, there was a full-moon out that night.
From that time on, things between my husband and myself went/spiraled downward.........that was 16 years ago.
But I was able to change the course of events, to CHANGE MY STARS, so to speak.
......To be continued
~ The Mediator
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)