FINDING GRANDFATHER TREE

A RESTRAINING ORDER was taken out on my husband. If you have never been through something like that, it is very emotionally draining. Living in a town where everyone knows or is connected to everyone, you know that when something happens, within a day or two, everyone knows.

My daughter, who was a junior in high school, would not speak to me. She was horrified and humiliated by my actions. This hurt me more than anything. But, in looking back on my actions, I wish I had done this sooner. Retrospect is very helpful to viewing the overall picture/situation. I was now utterly and emotionally wiped out. My life was as low as it could go (from my perspective, that is).

Off to work the next day I had to ask for some time off so I could go to court to appear before the judge. Telling the people I worked with every day was really hard to do. I had tried for so long to keep everything a secret. Of course, now that the situation had exploded in my face, there was nothing to do but tell the truth. Surprisingly, it was a most freeing experience. People were supportive. Some even confided in me of similar circumstances. NOTHING IS AS IT SEEMS.

The next day in court, I walked in to see my husband sitting with his parents, who for whatever their reasons, never liked me (and I don't just mean disliked, but a deep hate that came out constantly through their actions - - never verbal, just the way they treated me). For example on Christmas, my presents were always the same, a box of toilet paper and a dozen or so rolls of paper towels. Sometimes, I even got water filters! ! ! - this I kid you not. And, everyone thought that this was 'normal'. Other got really wonderful presentss. My children always received beautiful clothes or toys. My husband was also given typical christmas gifts, hiking boots, clothes, etc. NOT ME. Another example is Easter, at a large family gathering, all the eggs were decorated with each person's name on one egg. Mine was just a hard-boiled egg with my name. OK, and no one thought this was strange but me????? (check out this article on Organic Portals: http://cassiopaea.org/cass/organic_portals.htm )


Deep down, it is my guess (and a guess only) that they really did not like their son's actions, but could not bring themselves to dislike him and so piled all their guilt and disgust of the situation on me. At this moment in court, I was feeling lower than low. My husband and his family hated me. My daugher hated me. I wasn't sure if I hated myself yet or not. Now, my name was called and I had to go before the judge. Restraining order issued for 1 year. Ok, leave, get out of there.

Back home, I was an emotional mess. So I went for a walk in the woods as my son and I did almost daily with our two dogs. There was a place across the street, high up on the hill where my son and I would finally rest. It was under a huge (I mean huge !) old oak tree. Over time, I came to refer to the tree as 'grandfather tree'. On our walks there, I would hug the tree and acknowledge it's presence. It was a beautiful tree. Sitting underneath, you could see the whole village where I lived. While I sat there on this day and cried and told Grandfather Tree my story, as strange as this will sound, the tree spoke to me. Not in words, but in pictures.

It's hard to explain and sounds kinda whooowhoooo, but within a matter of seconds Grandfather Tree gave me a vision of what had come before, in this same spot/area, with my now husband and in-law family. I was so stunned by this story, that I literally ran home to write it down before I forgot it.

A story that I will share with you on my next visit here. But, since that time, I have come to learn that life is a circle. Not just a circle in this, present lifetime, but a circle period. That we experience the same situations over and over until we learn 'our lesson'. I had just graduated from kindegarten - now on to first grade ! ! !

~ The Mediator