FROM KATRINA TO RITA .....just blame the women

I'VE HAD A TOTALLY STRESSED-OUT, FRUSTRATING WEEK. There, Ive said it. Just want to scream as it seems, to me anyway, that there is something wrong with time itself. And, here I'll explain why I feel like this.

Recently I've moved from my home with a very large yard to a very small apartment. Now, having no yardwork to deal with....having no home with 8 rooms/garage/garden to clean and tend to.....having (sob,sob) no pets to care for any longer you would THINK that I would have more than enough time to do what I enjoy, to work, to relax, to visit family & friends ! ! !

Initially after the move, I found myself bored beyond belief. It was the end of the winter season and I thought I'd need to find something to occupy my free time with. Well, I decided for one thing, I would volunteer at the local animal shelter. They are in need of dog walkers and I miss having a pet (especially a dog) more than you can imagine. So I called to volunteer. But, before arranging for times to volunteer the universe kicked in with a whole lotta issues to deal with (Go Figure!!).

To start with, my elderly mother broke her hip and needed an unimaginable amount of care and encouragement during her 9 week stay at the hospital and in rehab. Also, once home - with 24 hour care needed - the issue of assisting mom is only just easing up a bit.

Then there is my son who has Down's Syndrome. Moving into the city (even a small one) apparently has it's issues. A friend of his (and he doesn't have too many) has gotten him involved with an unsavory crowd. ((unlike living out in the country, where being home alone after school was a worry for me..........living here in the city, where he can go out and walk about and find trouble is also going to be a different kind of worry for me)). And, because he is a rather 'high-functioning' young man, he lives between the worlds of the disabled and the normal. He actually does not fit into either and I worry that because he struggles to be like the rest of the world, he will step into a trap, all laid out for him by the psychopaths of the normal world.

Single motherhood simply sucks. There is no difference whether you have children who are disabled or 'normal'. The pitfalls in todays world are boundless. And, I don't know how new mothers will cope in the future, once their children are grown and out on their own.

Third, my ex-husband, who is an alcoholic, and whom I have tried to maintain a civil relationship with for the sake of the children, is having major problems maintaining his sobriety. So that everytime he falls off the 'wagon', so to speak, the kids feel a major disappointment and I am torn emotionally wanting to cut off all ties permanently. But that is, and has been, a difficult thing to do since he still wants to see his son and his son misses his dad alot. UGH.

Well, back to the TIME issue. All of a sudden the summer season has gone and I have done nothing but run myself ragged between issues around my mother, my son, my ex, and the normal life stuff like work, birthdays, family gatherings, my dance class (I love swing and country line dancing).

The time has just flown by. Now I do understand that as you get older (and I am 57), that time does go faster. But this is just downright rediculous. And when I do find time to relax, I feel this GUILT feeling come over me, telling me I should be doing something.

Well, enough of my complaining. Although, sometimes it feels good to get an issue out in the open. TIME, apparently, is my issue. Hope I learn to deal with it successfully.

~ The Mediator