I'm currently grieving for the death of Pope John Paul II. Why I feel such sadness and have an abundance of emotion due to his passing has been weighing on my mind all day. I have some theories about why I am so sad and wanted to wait a bit longer to write about it, but I just can't wait. Something inside of me wants me to write and express my feelings (which I hope I will do to the best of my ability).
When I was much younger I loved to write. But over the years, with 'adulthood', marriage, children, work, home, on and on, there didn't seem to be much time and now, I'm trying to jump start what I so used to enjoy doing.
Anyway, back to the emotions I am feeling........The death of Terri Schiavo hit me in a very strange way. During all the public debate I pretty much vascillated back and forth on the issue of whether or not the feeding tube needed to be re-inserted. Listening to 'talk radio' and the news coverage of each passing day, I would think I had formed an opinion on what should happen to Terri, then the next day, with the presentation of each medical expert or family friend stating their opinions and expert comments, I would suddenly find myself switching sides. Eventually I didn't know what to think. But, something about her case didn't seem right, but I could not put my finger on it. It smelled fishy.
I can still remember my Nana's passing. She had a stroke when she was 84 years old. This was 25 years ago. I remember clearly, my dad fighting with the doctor to remove the feeding tube they placed in her. Nana had one side of her body paralized. But with her good hand and arm, she would manage to pull out the feeding tube and write over and over with her good hand that she wanted to die. Eventually the feeding tube did come out. WHAT I REMEMBER MOST CLEARLY WAS THAT SHE WAS GIVEN LIQUIDS - WATER. AND WHEN THE END WAS NEAR AND SHE COULD NOT SWALLOW FAMILY MEMBERS WERE CONSTANTLY WETTING HER MOUTH AND LIPS. She only survived for 6 days after the feeding tube was removed. Her passing was not traumatic. Actually, the day before she died, she wanted her hair and nails done (go figure! !), and they were.
I cannot understand why Terri Schiavo was NOT GIVEN WATER? Having been trained as a Hospice Volunteer I have seen and experienced hospice care. Hospice is the most respectful, gentle and compassionate care of a dying individual. Therefore, what Terri Schiavo possibly experienced doesn't make any sense to me, especially if she was in a Hospice facility.
Just after Terri's passing, I came across a website (another blogger's site) http://steelmagnolia.blogsome.com/. Much of what I read on this blog rang true to me - it was a side of the story about Terri that I had not considered, never mind ever heard mentioned in all the news coverage. Might be worth a read..........
Well, as I started out talking about why I have been hit so hard emotionally with the passing of these two souls, is that I have a child who was born with a disability. From first hand experience, I know how hard it is to be a caregiver of someone full time .... 24/7. I have been doing this for the last 20 years. You pretty much go through a wide range of emotions during such times. There can be sadness, grief, anger, rage, self-piety, resentment......and also happiness to the extreme. Talking about it can help a little. Getting together with other of similar experience can help a little. At least that has been my experience. If you're lucky, you have supportive family. But in many cases of long-term disaibility and depending on circumstances, family support can grow thin and infrequent.
There is much more I would like to say on the subject. All my own personal experience. But I'm tired and just thinking about this subject fills me with so many thoughts that I'd like to express, I tend to become overwhelmed with words and sentences jamming my head.
So for tonight, I will live my story here. (to be continued)
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